The Demons Within
by Pawprinter
Summary: It has been several years since the war with the Eligius Corporation. Bellamy and Clarke have married and have a daughter together. The world is at peace. But the demons within were not silent. No matter how much time has passed, they would never be free of the demons. /Or, in which Clarke has a tough day, filled with the horrors of her past and Bellamy comforts her./


**Hi all.**

 **I couldn't tag everything that I wanted for the genre, so here it is:** Hurt/Comfort, Family, Romance, Angst.

 **Warning:** there are some darker themes in this story (character death is mentioned, memories of loved ones dying/death in general, etc). These themes are mentioned - they are not the focus of the story. That is why this is rated T.

 **Setting:** this story takes place after season 5. It is assumed season 5 is a war between Eligius Corporation and Wonkru. It is also assumed that after this war, there are no more major conflicts and they are free to live their lives.

 **Enjoy.**

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 **The Demons Within**

* * *

She was beautiful. Pure, happy, bright and beautiful.

That's all Clarke could think about as she gazed at the young girl that played across the room from her. Her brown hair hung in soft curls that dusted across the nape of her neck. It was thick, dark and wavy, just like his.

His dominant traits had managed to win out on many aspects of their child. Her eyes were a deep chocolate brown. Her tanned skin dusted with freckles. The only traits Clarke recognized as her own in her daughter was her lips and nose.

She was beautiful in every way.

Ella.

Her eyes shifted over to her other daughter, Madi. She may not be her blood, but she was her child in every other way possible. She had practically raised her.

She never thought that she would be a mother one day. Not after all of the horrors she went through. She never thought that she would ever be in a proper and healthy relationship – not after the failure of her parents, not after Finn, and not after Lexa.

She didn't think she deserved happiness. She didn't think she deserved a family.

Clarke felt her hand squeezed. She tore her eyes away from watching Ella and Madi play. Brown eyes met blue.

"What are you thinking about?" Bellamy questioned, rubbing his thumb across her hand. Clarke smiled and raised her eyebrow.

"After all of this time, you still can't read my mind?" Bellamy scoffed and pulled her into his arms. She fell into his embrace eagerly, enjoying the warmth his body provided her with. He was always so warm.

"Sorry, princess, but I think I'm going to need a whole lifetime to try and figure you out." Bellamy pressed a soft kiss to Clarke's forehead. Jokingly, she swatted him away.

"Watch it, Blake," she mockingly said. Bellamy rolled his eyes and leaned toward her to press another kiss on her head. Clarke didn't push him away this time, letting his lips dust across her skin.

She didn't think she would ever find her humanity again – not after the constant wars. She didn't think she would ever feel this love again – not after all of the deaths and betrayals. She didn't think she would feel happy again.

She was wrong.

"What were you thinking about?" he asked again, his lips still resting on her skin. Clarke felt a smile creep up her face and a shiver go down her back.

"Stop," she moaned, "that tickles, Bell." She pushed his lips off of her head, a playful smile gracing both of their faces.

"Good." With that, he swooped down and pressed a strong and short kiss to her lips. "You know how much I love when you laugh." Clarke's eyes narrowed jokingly. Before Clarke could think of a witty response, their daughter interrupted them.

" _Nontu_!" their daughter called in Trigedasleng. Her arms were up in the air, begging for him to come pick her up. "Dadda," she tried again. Bellamy was not one to deny his child; without another second wasted, he walked over to her and scooped her into his arms.

"Hi, princess." He pressed a soft kiss to her hair. Every time Clarke would see her together, her heart would hurt from the amount of love. Ella and Bellamy were so similar in appearance and personality wise. _She loved them so much._ "Thanks for playing with her, Madi," he added.

"No problem, _nontu_ ," Madi grinned up at him. She returned to the toys spread across the floor and began to tidy them.

The toddler had her face nuzzled in the crook of Bellamy's neck, her tiny hands griping his blue shirt. Clarke's heart fluttered by seeing her husband and their child. Ella was definitely a daddy's girl. Who wouldn't be? Bellamy's arms were the definition of protection.

She would never forget the first time he had held her all night while she cried.

Clarke tried to push the memories away, not wanting to spoil the moment. But, the demons within wouldn't listen.

The night that their sobs were the only sound in the forest came to mind. The stars, the fire. The pain, the tears.

After they had returned from the Ark, after the people from the bunker were saved, and after the war with Eligius Corporation, everything had come crashing down on Clarke.

They had lost so many people. They had _killed_ so many people. Too many people.

She was a monster.

Yet, she survived. _They survived_.

They were one of the only few to survive the war against Eligius and their technology.

Who decided that they got to survive? Why her? She was not worthy for salvation.

Murphy was worthy.

Raven was worthy.

Abby was worthy.

Even Jaha had been more worthy than her.

Yet, they all died.

How could it be that she was one of the few to survive _everything_?

That night, when the world crashed around Clarke, Bellamy was the one to hold her. He stayed up all night with her. _Thank god_.

He held her close to him, with Madi in his other arm, and a blanket wrapped tightly around all three of them. Madi had cried for her lost innocence and childhood. Clarke had cried because she survived. And Bellamy cried because of all of the pain these two girls had within.

It had felt so good to cry all together. It felt so good to be together.

She had missed Bellamy so much. She had missed her friends and her family so much.

Madi had fallen asleep, cradled in Clarke's arms, with Clarke cradled against Bellamy's chest. Clarke would never forget the moment when the sun rose and she looked into Bellamy's bloodshot eyes and he _smiled._ She knew everything would be alright, as long as the survivors stuck together. As long as their little family stuck together.

Without thinking twice, Clarke captured Bellamy's lips with her own.

Their first kiss.

Bellamy didn't hesitate to return her passion. They poured their love and joy into each other, attempting to convey their pain, sorrow, regret, longing and love.

That day, the world had changed. That morning, their lives had shifted.

" _Nomon,_ can I go see Jasper, _beja_?" Madi asked, breaking Clarke from her thoughts. She looked at her adoptive daughter, her heart aching from the painful memories that filled her mind. Madi had a bright smile on her face, looking at Clarke eagerly. She found Madi when she was six years old. Now, she was fifteen.

God, where did the time go?

Her daughter was almost the age that she was when she watched her father get sucked into the cold vacuum of space and get thrown in solitary confinement.

Clarke swallowed hard. She forced her thoughts away from her life on the Ark, instead focusing on the memory of trapping glowing bugs with Bellamy, Madi and Octavia. The smile on Madi's face made Clarke feel at peace. Bellamy's arm was wrapped around her shoulders, making her feel at home.

A smile graced her face.

"Yes, Madi. Say hello to Monty and Harper for me," Clarke responded. Madi nodded eagerly and ran out of their house. Bellamy shook his head at his daughter and came to sit down.

"She reminds me so much of you," Bellamy said. "The first time I met her, I knew she was yours. It was impossible, but… I knew. She's too much like you."

"And _she_ is too much like you," Clarke added, gesturing to the young girl in his arms. Bellamy's smile brightened. Clarke's heart hurt.

She loved her family so much.

Her family had saved her. Even though she lost her original family – Jake and Abby – she grew to love her new one. Her old life on the Ark had consisted of medicine, football, and chess. Her life on Earth consisted of death, war, and loss. Her new one involved peace, forgiveness, and love.

Lots of love.

She had endless memories of nights with Bellamy, staying up late because sleeping would open a portal to their past. They spent countless nights talking with him under the stars, her fingers running through Madi's soft hair. He had begun to tell her of the night sky from hundreds of years before and how the stars used to paint pictures of his favourite Greek myths. His stories about Greek heroes and their redemption arcs gave hope to Clarke that she was on her way to redemption. On her way to peace.

Bellamy was right.

They were on their way to peace.

"I can see that you're deep in thought," Bellamy said. "I may not be able to read minds, but I can read _you_. What's up?" Clarke sighed and rubbed her head.

"I'm just thinking about us." Bellamy raised his eyebrow, prompting for more. "Our past. The war. The death." Bellamy didn't say anything for a moment, collecting his thoughts. "I'm just having one of those days."

The ones that were old enough to remember the Ark, the fighting and Praimfaya each had these days. The days where no matter how hard you tried, the demons wouldn't leave you alone. No matter how much happiness and love that was around her, she would still feel the despair.

It was almost like she was uprooted from her current life, being placed back when her world was in turmoil.

Everyone had days where they couldn't shake the darkness.

Bellamy had those days too. Every so often, the image of someone he had killed would pop into his mind.

Maya's blistered body in Jasper's arms. Jasper's heartbroken sobs, clutching at her melting body.

Lincoln's emotionless face, falling to the ground with a splash, the wet dirt being sprayed across his face.

Indra's disgust after the slaughter of her warriors. He could still see the hate in her eyes.

And the faces of the dead would haunt him at all hours of the day. He could still see Jasper's eyes and his radiant smile, before he lost Maya. He could hear Lincoln's laugh when he was with Octavia. He could feel Gina's hand in his, her eyes sparking as they strolled around Arkadia. He could hear Abby using her last moments with the living, begging him to take care of Clarke. Raven's face was etched into his mind, her eyes lighting up after solving a particularly tough problem. He could hear Emori's screams when she found out Murphy had been killed, taken away from her and their child. He could see Jaha's face go slack after his life had been taken, his body crumpling to the ground.

Bellamy fought down the chills and the nausea the crept up. He could feel his mouth going dry and his skin getting clammy. He swallowed hard and forced himself to think of other thoughts.

The first time he realized he had fallen in love with Clarke.

The nights they spent wrapped up in each other's arms, begging the world for forgiveness. Even though they weren't asking for this from the other, they would whisper over and over about being forgiven.

The first time her lips had pressed against his – sweet and soft, yet dominant and strong.

The first time she had cried to him – this time not out of sadness, but from laughing so hard.

The time where it had stormed all day, the perfect excuse to stay inside and in bed together.

Those nights where Bellamy would read Greek poetry to Clarke and, later, their unborn child.

Their spur of the moment exchange of rings and vows, promising to support and protect the other for the rest of their lives. Like they didn't do that already.

The fear and excitement when Clarke went into labour.

The first time Ella opened her brown eyes and stared contently up at him.

"Well, if you're thinking about our past, it is important to remember everything," he encouraged, pushing the thoughts of death and pain away. "Our past is not made of nightmares. Our past is made of tragedies and hope." Clarke scoffed. "Think of some of the happy times." They always played their dance when the other was having a tough day. One would speak of the positives, trying to remind the other that the demons were not the only things left of the past. "What about when you saw me for the first time after six years?"

"Yeah. I couldn't believe it was you." A smile grazed her lips, thinking of the surprise and the joy that flooded her system when she saw Bellamy after so long. But that also brought up memories of confusion, betrayal, loneliness and the war. Her smile didn't last long.

"And the first time Madi called me _nontu_?" Bellamy pressed. "You cried with happiness."

"I know. I was there," Clarke teased. Bellamy smirked. The memory of Bellamy's face lighting up with surprise after hearing the words _father_ pass through Madi's lips, the deep blush covering the face of the young girl, and Clarke's feelings of contentment flooded her senses. That was one of her favourite memories of her family.

"Or the first time we had s'mores." That one put a genuine smile on her face. Bellamy knew it would. Who wouldn't at least laugh when imagining the disaster of their first s'more? Madi had marshmallow in her hair for weeks after that and Bellamy's eyebrows never really did grow back the same.

"God, that was a disaster," Clarke chuckled. Her frown had completely disappeared, just as Bellamy had wanted.

"Our first kiss, our first confessions of love, the times we spent laying together under the stars, Madi curling up with us if a nightmare came her way, the moment you told me about you being pregnant, Ella's first steps." He listed the first things that came to mind – the more prominent memories of their time together. "See, our past is more beautiful than you may think right now." Her smile fell.

"Beautiful," she scoffed. That was the last word she would use to describe her past. The only way it could be beautiful if one considered death and destruction a thing of beauty. "We are the bringers of death." The Grounders. Mount Weather. Her people.

"Look at Ella," Bellamy urged. "We brought her into the world. Helen Abigail Blake. _Ella's name means beauty_." Clarke's eyes fell to her sleeping daughter. "She is named after Helen of Troy – the most beautiful woman to have walked the Earth. Well, according to Homer. I have other ideas about the most beautiful woman on Earth." Clarke rolled her eyes at Bellamy's flirting attempts. "She is a reflection of us. How could someone so beautiful be the product of two monsters? It's impossible." Bellamy brushed a stray hair away from her face, allowing his hand to cup her cheek. She nuzzled into his touch. "We may have done unspeakable things, but we are not monsters. You're forgiven, Clarke Blake. You are not a monster. You are human." Clarke reached up to take his hand that still grazed her cheek.

"I love you, Bellamy."

The words passed her mouth and a distant memory of the first time she uttered those words popped into her mind.

The words had flown out of her as easily as water flowing down a hill.

He had just sat down after tending to the fire, Madi was curled up on Clarke's lap. She had thought that those words would be hard to say and that love would be hard to feel after all of the betrayals and pain.

Not will Bellamy though.

Never with Bellamy.

He slowly turned to her that night, surprise etched on his face. He kissed her and mumbled the same words back to her.

They had spent the rest of that night, curled up in each other's arms, not needing to say any more.

"As I love you, Clarke." He kissed her softly. Just like that day so many moons ago. "Our daughter will grow up in the world without the demons that we faced. She won't know the distinction between Skaikru and Trikru. She will only know Wonkru. She will only know peace."

"I know," Clarke said. She really did. She felt inside of her that the world was now at peace. It had been two years since the end of the war. Octavia was ruling Wonkru perfectly. Emori and Echo had raised Murphy and Emori's child. Monty and Harper had many children. Miller had married Jackson and learned the fighting techniques from their Grounder allies. Jackson had become a wonderful doctor, training many Grounder children in the Ark's way of healing.

The world was at peace.

They had slayed the living demons.

But there were still demons within.

Clarke could feel them. No matter how much time would pass, no matter how much happiness she would feel, no matter how much love Bellamy would give her – they were still there.

She could feel them in Bellamy, too.

It was one thing that they would have to live with for the rest of their lives. The horrors they committed. The acts of violence they did to protect the people they loved.

Clarke had forgiven herself, just as Bellamy did for himself. They found peace within themselves and with each other. Peace had been found by most of the survivors of the human race. They had begun to rebuild a world, one the was strong, for the next generation of the human race.

Their fights were far from over. The demons within were not silent. For the most part, their voices were just whispers from the dark corners of their minds. But, every so often, their voices would echo.

Everyone had days where they couldn't shake the darkness or slay the demons.

Would they ever be truly gone after what they had gone through?

Clarke doubted it.

She gripped Bellamy's hand tighter, savoring the feeling of home and comfort it brought her. Her eyes met his, allowing his serenity to flow into her. They had gone through a lot together. Ever since that moment on the drop ship, their lives had become intertwined. They had fought alongside each other, they had killed together, they had been separated, they had been forgiven, and they had healed.

Each day, the voices of the dead were fading. The feelings of regret and guilt were appearing less and less often. It had begun to dawn on her that the time of war was over and it was now the time of peace and forgiveness.

Not only did she bear the pain for her people – she now understood she bore it so the future generations wouldn't have to either.

Clarke leaned forward and pressed a kiss on Bellamy's cheek, just as she had done so long ago when they were teenagers.

They may have to live through dark days, but their lives were not consumed by darkness – they were filled with brightness and joy.

* * *

 **Hi again!**

 **Just a few notes... Yes, I ship Jackson/Miller. I also killed off a few main characters that I really love during their war with Eligius Corporation. I also assumed that Eligius Corporation will bring a war in the next season.**

 **I hope I managed to show that Clarke and Bellamy will always have the weight of what they did carried around on their shoulders. Of course, they will have happy days where this does not weigh heavily on them. There will also be days where that is all they will be able to think about. They will have, overall, a life filled with happiness and joy but there are dark moments within that. I hope I portrayed this well.**

 **Thank you for reading. Drop a review to let me know how I did.**

 **Paw**

 _PS - you should follow me on Twitter (Pawprinter1) because I tweet lots about "The 100" and my writing. Also, I would like to share that Bob (Bellamy), Richard (Murphy) and Adina (Indra) have all tweeted me. So. Follow me. You won't regret it *wink*_


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